For as long as I can remember I have kept a journal/notebook. It is stuffed with useless information, covered in numbers that I no doubt hoped would be my own splits, and contains thoughts that truthfully, if said out loud at the time, would probably have been laughed at. My journal is messy and chaotic. It is hilarious, and very often totally embarrassing, but one thing that is constant is that it is 100% real.
On the flight back from Houston, after qualifying for the Olympic Marathon team, I cracked the journal open in hopes of writing a recap of the race. I stared at a blank page for some time and no words came to me. I thumbed through earlier writings and notes searching for inspiration, something to get the pen moving. I read through my fears about preparing to tackle track workouts at 5:30 pace, a pace that left me uncomfortable once I went beyond two miles. I read through my anticipation of getting on the track for a 10k and hoping to qualify for my first USATF Outdoor Track Championships. Scattered through the pages there is the detritus of a former self. It is filled with the soft days before I got lean, the soft days before I got tough. As I continued to thumb through I recognized that I have never been very big on post-race reflecting, just about everything in this notebook is about looking forward.
While I was never able to put together a nice recap of my Trials race, I did find an old entry, one of the first, that has become especially relevant post-Olympic Trials. Back in 2006, as a 16:17 5k runner, I wrote the entry below. It’s crazy to think that the prospect of an Olympic medal would even enter my mind, even crazier that this summer I’ll have the opportunity to make it a reality. Sure, it’s still a long shot, but maybe… just maybe….
Check it out -
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March 2006 *“You give me miles and miles of mountains and I’ll ask for the sea.” **Rarely are we ever satisfied with our performances. Even after our best races we might be content for a moment, but it is in our nature to constantly over-analyze and re-evaluate, finding seconds on the course, flaws in our race plans, what ifs… should haves… and could haves. Are we ever satisfied? There is a competitive mentality that keeps us coming back for more, day after day, race after race, and year after year… so at the end of the day only a small select few might actually walk away content. If we will all eventually walk away disappointed, then what is the point? Why do we step out the door each day? If only one person can be the best, are the rest of us essentially failing? I certainly don’t have the answers, but today I’ll walk out the door with my Burns tied tight and hopes of setting the world on fire firmly engrained in my mind. Odds are I’ll never wear an Olympic medal around my neck, but maybe…just maybe, I will. With that in mind I’ll take off down the road and put in the days work. If we don’t try we’ll never know. At least I can find out how good I can be. I can have an answer at the end of the days, and have a hell of a good time with the process.
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Congratulations, Desiree!!! There is nothing I can say to do justice to your incredible accomplishment. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Trust that you will have a ton of folks rooting for you, forever.
This really resonates with me. I’m at the point where I’m leaving behind my soft self and heading into a new era as a runner. I’ve never had more fun running and instead of the end result, I’m just excited about the journey to my next marathon. Great post, and congrats on making the team. It’s great to see someone from MI up there!
Medal or no medal….You’ve won the race….(although that would be some pretty cool bling;) Thanks for sharing your experiences…I’m of that mindset, too….i run the race, think about it for a bit and good, bad or indifferent – move on! To me the race recap is taking what was learned/experienced and using it to achieve success at the next race.
I love it. I am trying to shed the detritus of a former self, too, and get tougher as a runner — and in life. To know that world class athletes go through the same process is an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing this, and good luck in London.
Thanks for sharing with us mortals! You are an amazing inspiration to all. I, as many out there dont think that you are the “long shot” but a hope and FAVORITE to bring a medal home from London!
I have happy tears as I write this. Thank you, Desiree, for inspiring so many of us. You are one amazing lady!!
Was on the sidelines in Houston…you and the rest of Team USA set Houston on fire… we look to London! You and the Team are going to do is proud!!!
So cool!
I was just thinking about all this stuff on a tempo run today. I was running so hard but felt so tired and uncomfortable after 4 miles. I decided to stop being scared of going faster and to stop fighting myself. Release myself to the experience and relax. My body was moving so fast, but I was struggling the most in my head. Thanks for this great article. You make it look so seamless and beautiful. It is nice to know I am not alone even though we are competing on different levels.
“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Johann von Goethe, quoted by Neal Bascomb in The Perfect Mile.
Totally!!!
You’re there.
You are a true inspiration … the real deal. Saving to see you on the sidelines in London!
… not “on” the sidelines … meant “from” the sidelines. Can’t wait to see you rock it out in London.